Procrastination

I have a slight problem with procrastination. Even though I promise myself I'm not going to do it again, I find myself dealing with something I've put off, yet again.

Last fall, I had to find a special dress for a special occasion, and once again found myself putting it off until I had to get it done! I'm not a big shopper--I don't like to shop just to shop. Because this was a special occasion, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to find what I wanted and I dreaded the "looking" that I knew it would take! I also knew after the first attempt, I was going to have a problem with my feet and legs cramping afterwards. I found aspirin helped with that but by procrastinating I had painted myself into a corner timewise! This was also causing some anxiety which isn't good when you're diabetic. I was down to the last week and this little voice kept saying that I should go by the doctor's just to check on numbers to be sure I was okay. Again, procrastination.

I woke up one morning with something in my right eye, but when I looked in the mirror, my eye looked fine. I thought it might be a floater and went on with my search for, by now, a damn dress! While I was out, I sudenly noticed that I was looking through lines of blood in my right eye. Again, nothing when I looked in a mirror, but now, I'm paniced! I called the eye foundation and the person I talked to said he didn't think it sounded like an emergency but if I wanted to come by they were open all night! Not an emergency? Silly me.  I called my cousin who lives near Montgomery and she said she would be up in the morning to go with me to see the doctor. I had a hard time going to sleep and really didn't sleep much.

We went to the GP's the next day and my BP was high, as was my blood sugar. We left there and went to the eye hospital. I had had an extensive eye exam the year before and this was more of the same. They do everything but take your eye out and put it back in! This time I had an eye sonogram. When the intern asked me to look at a light on the wall, it was blank. He thought I might have a detached retina and called the "retina" doctor to come in and have a look. He did everything again and after almost 2 hrs, said the veins in my eye had burst. It seems when you're diabetic you grow extra veins to make up for the circulation problems. My choices now were to have surgery where you're put to sleep, or I could have lazer surgery to avoid that, but I needed to have it right away. No procrastination this time! The doctor said it wouldn't be bad and I had heard lazer surgery didn't hurt, so I agreed to have it done.

There wasn't much prep. I got in a chair which let down and the doctor came in with a needle in his hand that he was attempting to hide from me. He put it in my face, right by my eye and I could feel it touching the bone under my eye. He put one of those contraptions in my eye to keep it open and I made an "oo" sound and he asked if it was too big and removed it and had another one in very fast. The lazer was louder than I expected and for the first 15 mins or so, was tolerable. The last 15 mins were very uncomfortable--every other blast felt like a needle going into my eye! I was trying my best to be still because I sure didn't want him to hit the wrong thing in my eye! I was shaking alittle and questioning if this was better than being put to sleep!

The doctor said there was a lot of blood in my eye and he couldn't get all of it and I would need to come back in 3 wks for more surgery. Just what I didn't want to hear. He said it wouldn't be as bad--I asked if I could have that in writing! He said to sleep with several pillows and not to lie flat, and not to take aspirin. The next day my eye felt like it had been rubbed with sandpaper but wasn't unbearable. The hardest thing was not lying down flat!

I made another attempt to look for a dress but just gave up and wore something I already had. Everyone looked at my slightly swollen, red eye and said in horror, "what happened to you?"

Driving proved to be a problem especially at night. It has gotten better but is still not as good as my vision was before. Reading is also a problem and I sit a lot closer to the computer now! It looks like I have hair in my eye (to me) and the lazer evidently cut my eyelashes in half. I'm very irritated that they haven't grown back!

I also haven't been back for the rest of the surgery. Yep, I'm procrastinating. Knowing what to expect makes it very hard to pick up the phone and make an appointment. I really think I'd rather be put to sleep!

My cousin told me later she couldn't believe how calm I was--well, I didn't think it was going to hurt! She left the room after he fired up the lazer. Chicken. heh.

I'm trying to work up the courage to make an appointment, but, so far, no luck!